Saturday, July 5, 2014

Guilty Pleasures

I talk a lot about how hard motherhood can be and what a spiritual discipline it is for me. But lately I've been feeling guilty. Actually, I've been feeling really happy and... um... enjoying myself. I care for my 2 boys and work a part-time job from home. Still, last week I managed to sunbathe at noon, work out almost every day, lunch with a friend, and stroll the aisles at Target. I'm in an insanely good mood from the amount of sunlight and warmth I've snuck into my days through eating popsicles on the back porch with my toddler and turning him lose on his orange bike at the elementary school track while baby Leo and I walk laps.

Lately I've been thinking, this gig has to be up soon. This is too easy. This is too fun.

This is how life is right now. This is how I thrive--with manageable doses of meaningful work, simple pleasures, and plenty of  margin to welcome the unexpected. How, then, have I come to view this pace as not enough, self-indulgent, and even lazy?

What kind of respectable person has time for on-the-fly play dates and the freedom to sunbathe at noon on a Tuesday?

Is it possible that this pace of life has some sort of merit? When I think about the difficulties that the rest of the world is struggling with--hunger, war, basic survival--I think I have no right to live the way I live. But at the same time, I feel presence and empathy more readily. When I'm not consumed with my own basic survival, I'm a better mom and more conscious traveler upon this earth.

I've also been watching my kids and how innocent and free they are when they're consumed with play and exploration. Isn't that the goal we're all trying to achieve? To get back to that pure innocence and enjoyment of life?

I don't know the answer right now, but I feel like I'm stumbling onto something with my current pace of life. Yes, I feel guilty, but I also feel hopeful that this life might give way to something more meaningful and impactful than I could ever have imagined.


ce8d632a-647c-11e3-94d3-000bcdcb2996 said...

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Lastly, please read the following two ancient indian scriptures which talk about the divine love of God:

Ananda Vrindavan Campu PDF

Govinda Lilamrta PDF

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Pure Health Retreat said...

Life is all about experiences and living for today. I have 2 boys and a girl, it seems like yesterday they were born, yet they are now 16, 18 and 22 years of age. Spend all the time you can with yours because no matter how much time you do spend with them, it will not be enough. You will however treasure evey moment and remember every day. Enjoy.

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Bren Murphy said...

Wow - the suspense builds in this post like something bad is going to happen - and then it doesn't - what a time to be grateful!

Dinamika Kita said...

This article brings a new perspective. It is inspiring as well.

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