Monday, September 23, 2013

Life Stops for No Birth

I’m 30 weeks now. My house is still a mess from our summer move. Cam has backslid into sleeping in Mommy’s and Daddy’s bed plus waking up crying multiple times per night. Set up of baby boy #2’s room hasn’t even begun…not like he’s going to sleep in it anyways. And on that note, where the hell and how the hell is he or any of us going to sleep given the amount of attention Cam still requires?

The past week has been a difficult one for me. Life isn’t falling into boxes of activity and organization like I had hoped and even strived for. There’s more. I failed my 1-hour glucose screening and now am awaiting the results of a 3-hour glucose tolerance test to see if I have gestational diabetes. Not only would that mean a rigid diet and blood sugar monitoring until the baby is born, but it would possibly change my plans for a home birth, to which I have become quite attached.

So here’s where I would switch to a positive note, except there isn’t a real one. There is only acknowledgement and acceptance. I mean, how much can I DO in less than 10 weeks? I want to:
  1. Finish a baby blanket
  2. Guide Cam successfully to sleeping in his own bed through the night all by himself
  3. Paint my room, my bathroom, Cam’s room, baby boy #2’s room, and the basement playroom
  4. Finish unpacking all our boxes from the move
  5. Freeze a stash of homemade meals for those hazy newborn days
  6. Make a list and acquire what I need for baby boy #2
  7. Get all my holiday shopping done in advance.
That may seem realistic for some people, but for a woman with a 2-year-old and a part-time job, it ain’t gonna happen. The time for “figure it out” has passed. The time for “don’t sweat it” has come.
My capacity for fullness and openness is about to stretch once again. And in preparation for that, what matters is taking care of myself through rest, exercise, and self-compassion along with respect and kindness toward my toddler and my spouse. Dishes and laundry can wait. Naps exist for a reason. Moms (as in my moms) come to help with the birth of a baby for a reason. And thank god for preschool.
Baby, here we go.


StrategicSkin said...

You're so inspirational. I'm really enjoying reading about your life:)
Sending light your way!

Melissa Garvey said...

Thanks so much, Leslie!